


Women are from Venus

by StormyMonday



Category: Kaze no Stigma
Genre: F/M, Gen, Humor, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-09
Updated: 2012-06-09
Packaged: 2017-11-07 09:37:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/429548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyMonday/pseuds/StormyMonday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kazuma goes to his favorite coffee house, never imagining his coffee would ultimately come with a very expensive cell phone contract.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Women are from Venus

**Author's Note:**

> A very crack-like idea I had after watching the news one Saturday morning. (Original post date: April 24, 2010)

This was his favorite place to hang out; a quaint little coffee shop with a charming atmosphere and particularly good coffee and pastries. Today however it was unusually crowded. He considered going somewhere else, but the simple fact was that other coffee shops in the area just couldn't compare to this one. He placed his order and scanned the room looking for a place to sit down. His luck had changed, it seemed, when he spied an attractive young woman who seemed to need some company. 

“Is this seat taken?” 

She looked up from her laptop. “Be my guest,” she replied.

“My name's Kazuma.”

“Miyuki. It's a pleasure to meet you Kazuma.” she replied extending a hand.

A buzzing noise came from behind her laptop. Kazuma couldn't see it, but it was clear the noise had come from a cell phone. She picked up the device to look at it. “Email.” she clarified when she noticed he was looking at her.

He took notice of the stylish device as she typed on the fold out keyboard. “That's a nifty little gadget you have there.”

“Oh...” she started, still typing. “I'd be lost without my iBerry. I use it for _everything!_ Here.” She handed the device over to him. “Why don't you give it a try, by say, putting your phone number and email address in my address book.” she said with a wink and a smile.

“Alright.” _'He shoots, he SCORES! '_ Kazuma thought to himself. Things had just gotten a lot more interesting.

It was apparent though that he would need some coaching with the device. This one was a lot more complicated than his own. “Here, let me show you how.” Miyuki stood up from her seat and stepped over to his. She leaned over and began navigating the menus with ease. He wasn't really very interested in what she was doing, however. At his vantage point he had a fantastic view of her 'assets; more than ample cleavage, long legs, silky long dark hair, and an especially alluring perfume. “There. Simple right? Then when you're finished you just...” she unlocked the keyboard and slid it back into it's compartment. “Pretty cool don't you think?”

He blinked. Her voice had brought him back from his admiration. “Yeah...cool.” 

And with that she proceeded to show him all the things her indispensable little iBerry could do.

“Well, I really should be going. I'll talk to you soon, okay?” she said after a few minutes, again with a smile and a wink.

As he watched her leave, it occurred to him how bizarre this little encounter had been. It didn't matter though. He was happy enough at the prospect of a night on the town with a beautiful woman. If things happened to go well maybe they'd be having breakfast together the morning after.

* * *

Kazuma was on his way to the Kannagi residence to pick up Ayano. They had been asked to excorsize a demon from a large mansion located in the remote countryside. It had been a week since he had met Miyuki in the coffee shop, and he hadn't received so much as a text message from her. Ayano proceeded to open the driver's side door and sit down behind the wheel. She had just recently gotten her license. 

“What are you doing?” Kazuma asked, clearly annoyed. 

“Gee, I don't know, getting ready to drive us to the mansion?” she retorted. 

“Oh I don't think so.”

“Why not? I've had my license for six months now and I have a spotless record. Not _one_ accident.” she said proudly.

“Well, that may be so, but it would be just my luck that you get a case of road rage and get pulled over in _my_ car and we both end up in jail. So get out.” 

“Oh come on Kazuma. Have a little faith in me, will you?” Normally this would be the start of a heated, and possibly very dangerous argument. Luckily for Kazuma though, Ayano was in an especially passive mood today. Not only that, he didn't feel like adding fuel to any fires, so to speak.

Ayano unfolded a map she had printed out from DirectionQuest's website and looked it over for a moment before starting the car. “Oh! I know exactly where this is! Getting there will be no sweat.”

It was a while before the two spoke, partly due to the fact that Ayano was thoroughly enjoying her new-found freedom. And it was especially wonderful to not have her father there as a backseat driver for once. 

Finally, she looked over at Kazuma to see him playing a game on what looked to be a new cell phone. “Hey Kazuma, isn't that one of those new iBerrys?”

“Yeah. I just got it the other day.”

“What in the world ever possessed you to buy a six hundred dollar phone? I thought you liked the one you had and...wasn't _that one_ new?” Kazuma's philosophy of _'if it isn't broken don't fix it'_ didn't seem to fit this situation at all. “I mean, I know Father pays you _way too much,_ but you must have had to break the contract on your other phone right?”

“Well...you see the weirdest thing happened the other day...” he started, and then proceeded to explain about the incident at the coffee shop.

“I see...” she said after he'd finished the story. “And you haven't seen or heard from her since huh?” Her tone was skeptical.

“That's right. It seems strange that she'd just disappear off the face of the Earth. And you know with that psycho killer running around I've been wondering if she's okay.” It wasn't that Kazuma worried about people he'd just met, but with all that was happening in the news lately the thought had crossed his mind more than once.

Ayano raised an eyebrow at this. “Oh yes, because you are  _such_ a humanitarian.” She glanced quickly at the map to make sure they were still heading in the right direction. “Come to think of it...” she started, and then began to slow the car and pull over to the side of the road.

“Finally ready to let me drive?” he asked sarcastically. She didn't say anything, but simply turned the car off and proceeded to get out. She stood there for a few seconds before bursting into hysterical laughter. He got out of the car too.

“What the hell is so funny?” he said with a glare that could, well, start a fire.

Ayano laughed until tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her face was beet red. “Kazuma...” she started, trying to catch her breath. “I hate to break it to you...but...” she was still having a hard time composing herself. “That woman had no intention of going out with you.”

“What are you talking about. Why would she want my email and phone number then? You of all people know how irresistible I am.” 

She frowned at his arrogance “Exactly _why_ did you buy that phone, Kazuma? Come on. Out with it.”

What he hadn't mentioned in his retelling of the coffee shop incident was that he had read a rumor on the Internet stating that iBerrys could only receive calls, etc, from other iBerrys.

“Are you serious?!” Ayano started to laugh again. She couldn't help it, this was just too epically funny. She wasn't particularly surprised though. _'After all, he_ _**is**_ _a pervert'_ she thought. “Oh I get it now. You didn't spend a huge amount of time actually paying attention to her product demonstration, did you? She could have had a face that looked like a horse for all you know!”

“Well I... What are you getting at Ayano?”

She proceeded to explain to him about something called “Undercover Marketing.” The latest trend was to plant a pretty girl with a product to sell in a well traveled place.

“...like a coffee shop?” he asked, now fully aware of what had happened that day.

“Right. And the pretty girl “makes friends” with some totally clueless guy. She gets the guy's contact information, but he doesn't get hers. Normally the guy just ends up disappointed. But since you read that Internet rumor, well, you got an expensive phone and a insanely expensive fee for breaking the contract you had on the other phone.”

Kazuma sighed.

“See what you get for being a total pervert?” she remarked with a very apparent air of self righteousness.

As Ayano was reveling in her  _I told you so_ moment, Kazuma had taken his rightful place in the driver's seat. “Let's get going.” he called.

She turned and saw that he had unceremoniously demoted her to passenger. “Hey! Just because you're clueless doesn't mean you have to punish me!” 

“Stay here and complain if you want. I'm going on ahead. The mansion is still quite a ways away, and doubt you want to walk there.' He paused briefly before adding, “Although I guess you could just fly, but....oh wait, _you_ can't! He began to drive away. “Suit yourself.”

“ **Kazuma you jerk!'**


End file.
